waiting for thursday & on the line

Really, .. Thursday just can’t come fast enough .. (meeting with the surgeon)

I’m anxious and hoping it goes the way I want it to .. I’m right on the line with my BMI(41.6) and it needs to be at least 41 to have insurance cover the surgery. That’s the only way I’ll be able to get this done (self pay isn’t really an option right now). And after being rejected by such a small amount .. i’m so nervous that it’s going to be the same as last time.

It’s a crazy feeling to not want to try and lose any weight (even though that’s what I think about doing every waking minute of the day) and to keep it right where it is right now.. it’s a balencing act and i’m glad that at least one way or another this will be over on Thursday..